I haven't blogged in a while - mostly because of being a) sick and b) exhausted. But I'm 15 weeks today and slowly starting to feel better! As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking a lot about how my life has changed in just 2 1/2 months. (Funny how one little "+" sign can do that ;) Several things came to mind that I may have previously known, but definitely understand or appreciate more now. Just thought I would share:
1) Pregnancy is HARD.
Mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I kind of had an idea it would be difficult, but nothing to this extent. There are some days I feel absolutely dependent on others, and for those of you who know how independent I am, this has been difficult to accept. It's hard to appreciate anything when you are sick 6-10 times a day. It's hard to do anything around the house when you fall asleep at 6:00pm and sleep til 6:30 the next morning. It's hard to trust God when all you can think about is "will I be able to afford this child?" and "this house isn't big enough for a baby, let alone everything that comes with a baby." It's just HARD. I get it now.
2) I've (re-)learned that my husband is incredible and will make an amazing dad.
All the things that have become so hard for me, he has picked up and carried. He does the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and reminds me several times daily that God will provide. Even when he was in Colombia for 10 days, he checked on me several times a day and sent others to check on me. I am SO grateful to have him in my life.
3) On most days, I take my health and life for granted, but things can change in an instant.
Yesterday at the doctor's office I had a brief health scare. I went in for my monthly appointment and when having my vitals taken, saw panic on the nurse's face. She called another nurse into the room to "double check her work", and she quickly left. Turns out my blood pressure and heart rate were pretty out of whack and apparently my heart was racing. They sent me to the hospital for an EKG. (I still haven't heard the results of it, but my dr's office runs on a "no news is good news" policy, so I'm guessing things turned out ok.) But it definitely put things into perspective for me - everything we have is a gift and it can be taken away at any moment.
4) It is absolutely possible to fall in love with someone without even meeting them.
I'll admit, I really struggled the first several weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I should have this instant "strong, emotional attachment" to this child, especially since Eddie and I had prayed for a baby for so long. Of course I prayed for the baby to be healthy and grow and develop properly, and maybe it just hadn't sunk in yet that it was actually happening, but I felt horrible for not instantly being "in love." That was, until I saw the ultrasound. I think I've watched the DVD of it about 20 times. And that love grows daily. Yesterday during the health scare was the first time it truly ran through my mind "what will happen if we lose this baby?" and I realized, I'm certainly attached now. I would be absolutely devastated. Even though I heard the heartbeat yesterday, I'm counting the days til we get to see him or her again (and find out if it's a him or her!) on March 26.
While these things may seem absolutely obvious to most, they are things I've had to process and re-learn and wanted to blog about to keep as a memory for me. And we still have 25 weeks left of this pregnancy journey! I can't wait to see what else God reveals to me during this time.
