A psalm.

I recently had one of those days where something unexpected hits you - it just comes out of nowhere, like a wreck that happens because a car you didn't see was in your blind spot. It shakes you to your core, causes a level of anxiety that you hadn't felt in a while. Your bones shake, you can't compile your thoughts and the pressure on your chest feels suffocating. Ever have one of those days?

It's in those days that I usually look to the Psalms for answers. The word "Psalms" can literally be translated as songs, or praises. Most of the Psalms were written by David, a young shepherd turned King who eventually was on the run from his enemies, praying for his life to be spared daily.  The Psalms are honest, vulnerable accounts of exactly how David was feeling. Lines like "You, oh Lord, are a shield around me" and "Give me relief from my distress" are common lines in the 150-chapter book.

After the events of the day I described above, I wrote a Psalm of my own. It was in no way designed to be like a "song", but a cry from my heart to God of exactly how I was feeling. When I was finished writing, I felt strength, peace and God's presence. Is this how David felt after he wrote his psalms? Interesting how most of the psalms in the Bible, as well as my own, cry out to God, but by the end acknowledge His presence. The One who rescues always comes at just the right time.

God, please save me.
The waves crash over my head,
the ground beneath me is sinking.
I can't breathe, can't feel.

The pressure is suffocating.
The air in my lungs diminishing.
Rescue me, O Lord. 
Pull me out of this storm that has overtaken my soul.

My heart tells me you are there,
but I can't feel your presence.
Reach down & pull me out, Lord-
Set me on a new direction.
Give me strength to forsake what the world says 
and listen only to you.

Joy giver - restore my joy.
Great healer - heal my heart.
Bind together the pieces, for it has been shattered.

Lord, I trust in You. 
Your presence gives me warmth, wholeness, strength.
Your embrace so close, I can't deny you are there.
Thank you, Lord, for who you are and
what you call me to be.

 

 

Getting back in tune.

If you know me well enough, you know I love music. Classical music, worship music, pop, country, you name it. I've actually played 3 instruments in my life (can you guess which ones?) and sang in choir for several years. It's like therapy for me. I can feel the music deep into my bones and lyrics resonate in my heart. It's just a part of who I am.

The last 2 months have been, how do I say this.... stressful. (To say the least...) It's been an incredibly busy season at work, top that with moving houses, having only one car as ours was in the shop for 2 weeks, and being stuck in the house with a toddler because of all the ice and snow. Now one might think because you are stuck in the house with snow you could get stuff unpacked and put away at the new house. Wrong. Did you read in that paragraph I have a toddler?? My days and evenings consist of nothing more than making dinner and pushing cars back and forth in the hallway with Kaleb. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT. But the combination of all these things together has about made me jump onto the crazy train.

This morning on the way to work, I was listening to a new Hillsong worship CD Eddie bought me for Christmas. One of the lyrics jumped out at me. It said:

"Tune my heart to your beat. Where I walk, there you'll be."

Have you ever been at a concert or some kind of musical event where one instrument was out of tune or one person was off beat? It doesn't happen often, but when it does, everyone knows. It throws the whole ambience off. The feeling is different, and not in a good way.

That simple, yet profound line explained my whole life right now. Because I've been so busy, I'm completely out of tune with God and His plan for my life.  I've had tunnel vision, focusing only on my daily activities just trying to get by. And it's not working so well. Daily prayer and Bible reading time take a back seat in these seasons of life, but that's the last thing God wants. I once read that just like a tithe is giving God the first 10% of your income, you should also give him the first 10% of your day- spending time with Him first thing in the morning. Doing so will set a tone for your whole day.  I've already got my alarm clock set for 20 minutes earlier tomorrow so I can get back on track.

Lord, help me to refocus. Help me to tune my heart to your beat and give you the time you deserve.  Help me to realize you are the one who gives peace that surpasses all understanding. Lord, bring peace and rest to my heart.

(And for those that are still wondering, I've played piano, guitar and clarinet. I haven't mastered any of them, but I loved playing them :)