The Story of Your Life.

For the most part, yesterday was a rough day for me. For some reason or another, I had a day where I questioned everything in my life. I know everyone goes through this, but I sincerely pictured myself as being a little older before this happened. I woke up yesterday morning earlier than usual and felt this cloud over my head. As I got ready to run some errands, flashbacks of the last several years ran through my mind - from college days, to getting married, to moving several times, living with my parents for a year while my mom recovered from a stroke, and so on and so on. All I could think about was the "what ifs" and "whys?" What if I hadn't gotten married? What if I didn't have the job I do now? Why was I called to leave my home church after 22 years? And the one that really gets me....Why can't my body physically have the one thing in life I most desire...a child? I had a visual glimpse of what my life would be like today if things had been different - maybe I would be working overseas in an orphanage in Central America, maybe I would be living with my parents saving money and traveling in my free time. I pictured my life in several different scenarios, wondering exactly what I would be doing.  Have you ever had a day like this? It was like a huge weight on my shoulders and made me question every decision I had ever made in my life. As I hung out with some friends' kids last night, I put all this aside and focused on the thought that maybe I was having an off day, and reminded myself everything is different in the morning. I always feel better in the morning.

And that's exactly what happened. Today is Sunday, and again I woke up earlier than usual. My husband is sick today, so I got up alone, got ready for church, and had some quiet time with God before heading to the 8:30 church service.  I prayed and prayed that at worship, God would show me exactly why I am where I am today and why I took the road I did. So He did. I was led to a place of worship this morning that my heart hasn't been to in a while. I sang the songs as true prayers to God, asking Him to lead my life and help me to give up control. At the service this morning, we watched a Dave Ramsey video about finances and how to be a generous giver. Towards the end, there was a story about a family who worked towards adoption and was blessed beyond measure financially so they could.  I cried as I sat back and God spoke to my heart - telling me again (in the past I've pushed the thought aside) that I was made to adopt. My heart breaks for these children and God put me in this place to whisper to me yet again that He has a plan for my life.

So to answer my questions from yesterday about why I am where I am today, God showed me. I'm married to my husband because he too has a special place in his heart for adoption. I have the job I do today because it has helped me become a more compassionate person and helped me to love those around me more, as well as make me appreciate everything I have. I can't physically have a child right now because God has bigger plans. I was called away from my home church I grew up in to go somewhere else, where I would gain support from friends who continually bless my life and challenge me in a way spiritually that I've never had before. A journal I bought yesterday has my favorite scripture on it, Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you....to give you a future and a hope." And that's exactly what He's doing.

A song I've heard a lot lately is called "The Story of Your Life" by Matthew West. The chorus says
"This is the story of your life, you decide how the rest is going to read."


So I've decided to run forward and not look back. I can't change what's in the past (nor would I want to - God has placed me where I am for a reason). I'm to keep my focus on Him, and know that where ever He leads me, I'm not alone. He holds the plans to my life and that's how I want it to stay.

-Brittney