December Miracles

It was almost 2 years ago (Dec. 23 to be exact!) that a little pink plus sign changed my life. (I was in so much disbelief, I immediately drove to the store to get another test!) After trying to have a baby for almost 3 years, we were finally going to have a child. It was the first time I had ever felt like I had experienced a miracle.

And now, almost 2 years laters, we've experienced another December miracle. Kaleb had his second endoscopy today and things could not have gone more perfect. From the moment we walked in to the waiting room and were instantly called back, to the INCREDIBLE nurses we had today, to the IV that he didn't even move or cry for and was over so quickly, to the word we were longing to hear: remission. Kaleb's EoE is finally in remission, which is incredibly difficult to get to with this disease. We are still waiting for biopsy results to confirm, but his Dr. was confident.

While we were hoping to be able to discontinue use of the steroid treatment he's on, that's not an option for now. We were able to decrease it to once a day, but the Dr. said it plays a key part in his remission. However, we have learned that the medicine he's on is a topical steroid and doesn't stay in his system long, meaning it's a much safer type of steroid. She did want to discontinue use of his reflux medicine (which I'm a little nervous about…) because it has been proven to decrease bone density, and since he can't drink dairy, his calcium levels are so low anyway. We were also instructed to give him a calcium supplement daily.

He'll go back to the EoE clinic in 6 months to see his G.I. Dr, allergist, and dietitian. In 10 months, we'll discontinue use of the steroid treatment, and he'll have his next endoscopy in a year, as long as his symptoms don't return sooner. Such exciting news!!

So many people ask "Why don't miracles happen today?" They do. I've seen it. I've been a part of it. I've had a front row seat to 2 different December miracles. All you have to do is pray for it and believe it will happen.

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:14

More Than Just Money

Why I Give To My Local Church

I grew up in the church. From as early as I can remember, those shiny gold offering plates with carpet inside them passed in front of me (followed by the weekly register to write your name!) and became a regular part of my Sunday morning. I saw my grandparents throw their offering envelope into that plate every week. My grandma would often give me a quarter or two to throw in, so I felt like I was a part of it too. As I grew older and started making money of my own, I occasionally threw my five bucks in, really feeling like I was doing something. We eventually switched to a church a little more modern where those gold plates were replaced by white buckets, and those weeks I threw a $20 bill in I felt pretty good about myself. I made sure to write my name on that envelope in big letters so there was no mistake it was mine.

I later joined the staff at my local church and heard the call to tithe and what that meant during a series on finances. Woah, they want 10%?? Are they crazy? If they knew how many bills I paid every month, they wouldn't dare expect 10%. So I continued throwing my $20 in, feeling like a good little Christian.

Then things changed. Life got messy and incredibly difficult. And the church was there.

When my husband and I were going through the hardest years of our marriage, the church was there.

When I was battling my 3rd (and most trying) year of infertility trying to have a child, the church and our life group was there.

When my son was experiencing all kinds of medical difficulties, resulting in huge financial struggles, the church was there with prayer and our life group was there with help.

And my thinking shifted. God doesn't just want me to give my tithe every week to keep up with the church building and help pay the staff. In reality, He doesn't need my money. He owns everything anyway. Instead, He wants me to give to the work being done in and outside of the walls of the church building to help change lives and change neighborhoods.

If you know me, you know we pay a huge amount of money every month (think mortgage payment...) to student loans. And we now have medical bills and incredibly expensive food we have to buy for my son that has severe food allergies. Giving 10% to my local church is hard. It really makes us have to budget and look at what we're spending money on. But since we have started tithing, we've never been without. We've never missed a payment, never not had enough food or been unable to pay medical bills. God just keeps providing.

If I can give back even a portion to the church to thank them for being there for me during the hardest years of my life so far, I will. I want to give to the work that the local church continues to do to change lives and be there for people, like it was for me.

Touch, scratch, poke, yuck.

Today was the long anticipated first appointment at the EE Clinic. Kaleb was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EE) a little over a month ago. (You can read more on previous blogs.) Once a month, 3 specialists come together to treat kids who suffer from this disease. We first met with the allergist (who was different than the one he usually sees), then Dr. Aljabi (G.I. Specialist) and then a dietitian.

Dr McLaughlin (allergist) told us a lot about EE and food allergies and then had a comprehensive skin allergy test done. There were 5 different panels of foods, and Kaleb was not happy at all. They forced him to lie on his stomach for a really long time, and to be honest, was not kid-friendly at all like Dr White's office is. He had reactions to 2 new things, turkey and coconut. Which now brings our list of foods to avoid to:

Milk, egg, wheat, barley, rye, oats, chicken, turkey and coconut.

We then saw Dr Aljabi and Dr McLaughlin together. Dr Aljabi was very impressed with the almost 4 pounds Kaleb has gained!! However, she was really concerned about his skin color, and Dr McLaughlin concurred. This forced us to have lab work for a full CBC.

Lastly, we met with the dietitian, who basically didn't offer any other solutions and told me I was doing a good job of feeding him. I was really looking for different ideas of things to feed him, but she couldn't offer me any. In fact, I taught her several things about where to shop, new products on the market, etc! 

In the end, my main lesson for today was to be my child's advocate. Dr Aljabi wants another endoscopy done in January, but I informed her about how Deaconess told me his last one would be covered at 100% but then I got bills for $1500. She agreed to schedule it for Dec 20 so that all the bills would be covered this year since we've met the deductible. (Have I mentioned I really like her?!?) Hopefully if all goes well on the next endoscopy, we can stop the pulmicort steroids. 

I also made it a point that if Kaleb has another endoscopy he WILL have the versed medicine to calm him before the IV, which didn't happen last time. I told them how we were told there "just wasn't time" and they assured us it wouldn't happen again. Trust me, it won't. Not with this mama! I've learned to stand up for my child and fight for him and what's necessary and what's not.

I was talking with a friend last night about how we had prayed and prayed for a child for 3 years before getting pregnant with Kaleb, and how much of a miracle he truly is. I can honestly say at only 1 year old, he is my daily inspiration. Special needs and all, he knows how to light up a room and steal a heart within minutes. His tight grip hugs may be the sweetest thing I've ever experienced with a child. While I didn't ask for this situation or foresee it at all, I'll deal with the food avoidance and cooking special meals for him 3 times a day for as long as I have to for my miracle baby. Most days I feel like I don't have it altogether and feel a lot of stress and anxiety, but then Kaleb crawls over, sits in my lap and lays his head against my chest, and it's all worth it. Funny how God created children with the ability to soften hearts like that :)

Praying for today

As I've shared on this blog lately, things have been a little stressful at our house in the last few months. Between doctors appointments, testing, trying to come up with 3 meals a day for my child who can't eat much, crazy work schedules between Eddie and I, medical bills and just having a 14-month-old child in general, I've been a little edgy. I find myself angry, bitter, tired, worn out, flat out exhausted (just trying to get you to understand...), frustrated, and snappy.  Most days I realize that I'm being this way, but I don't know a way out of it. I feel like I'm in a never-ending cycle of no sleep and stress.

A few days ago, I hit a low. The situation seemed hopeless and all I could do was cry and pray. It was then that God spoke to me and told me something I felt like I should share. In the Lord's prayer, there's a line that says "give us this day our daily bread". That lead me to the story in Exodus 16 where God gave the Israelites what they needed - quail and manna, except God instructed they were to only collect what they needed for that day. The theme resonated with me. God provides for what we need today. Therefore, I'm going to ask him for what I need for today.

I started praying differently, asking God specifically for what I need today. Some days, it's patience and strength, other days it's just that my child would sleep through the night, today it's for some glimpse of hope that this situation is not eternal. Praying this way helps me to stay focused and not fall into the "forever" trap - that this is the way it's going to be forever and there's no way out. And you know what - since I've started praying this way, God has not disappointed. The last few nights, I've gone to bed with a thankful heart because I saw God work through what I had prayed for specifically for that day.

I challenge you - Pray to God specifically for what you need today. Let Him know what's on your heart and what you need help with today. You won't be disappointed.

My child is back.

Just a quick update as we are on vacation and trying to detox from internet as much as possible. It's been almost 2 weeks since Kaleb's EOE diagnosis and the start of his medicines. For the first time in months, I feel like I have my child back. He has been so incredibly happy this whole week and I can't get enough of his wet, slobbery kisses. Feeling so blessed this week for a diagnosis and treatment that is helping!!

I shared with everyone before that we were told he is severely allergic to wheat and barley, along with eggs and milk. We picked up his lab results and he also tested positive for a number of other things, including corn, oats, chicken (seriously?!) and rye. We have adjusted his diet and he's feeling so much better. Some of his new favorites include:

Tuna (apparently all fish tested negative- woohoo!!)

Larabars 

Fruit and veggie squeeze pouches

Gluten free pasta

And Hebrew National dairy free hot dogs.

Here's a few pics from our awesome vacation:

The Results Are In...

We finally got the phone call today that we had been waiting for. Kaleb's biopsy results are positive for Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EoE). While the diagnosis itself sucks, we are glad to have a diagnosis so we can pursue a treatment plan. EoE is basically a disease caused by food allergies. Kaleb's body sees food proteins as parasites and builds up white blood cells to "fight the infection". The white blood cells gather in his esophagus and cause it to swell. Symptoms include chest pain, reflux, choking, failure to thrive, difficulty sleeping and vomiting. Dr. Aljabi was fairly confident of the diagnosis on Friday, so we went ahead and started pulmicort, a steroid that is usually inhaled but we mix it with honey and he swallows it. This way it heals the esophagus. We were also prescribed Prevacid solutabs for reflux but our insurance refused to pay for it, so we have now been prescribed Nexium.

In addition to the EoE diagnosis, we also found out the results of the allergy tests. Kaleb is highly allergic to wheat and barley, in addition to the milk and eggs we were aware of. She said several other things showed positive, but those 4 things were the highest. 

Dr Aljabi really suggested going on the formula diet for a while for Kaleb's body to heal. However, at this point, I don't feel like its realistic for us. Kaleb LOVES food. He actually will hardly take a bottle at all. And because of the side effects of the steroid, the child can't get full. He had 2 full dinners tonight!! So taking away all food would be an incredibly difficult choice at this point. After talking it over, she was ok with us completely eliminating the top allergens to see if that makes a difference. We go back on Oct 28, so please pray with us that just eliminating the allergens from his diet is enough to help him! We do still have to supplement with formula, so we'll be picking that up tomorrow. I have no doubt those 2 pounds Kaleb lost will be going back on quickly!!

Lastly, Kaleb has an appointment at the special EoE clinic on Nov 5. This is the special clinic Dr. Aljabi runs. On that day, they told us to be prepared to be overwhelmed. We'll meet with Dr. Aljabi, Dr. McLaughlin (allergist) and a dietitian. He'll have a lot more allergy skin testing done to get more accurate results than the blood tests. I'm excited to get info and meet with someone to discuss food options! In the meantime, I picked up some books at the library this evening to read on vacation. 

Thanks again for praying for my sweet boy. We feel them every single day. The medicine has really started helping Kaleb sleep better, which makes for a happy mommy and daddy!! Praying it continues. :)

Glad that's over...

Whew. Eddie and I are both full of relief that all Kaleb's procedures from today are over. Here's a recap of today's events:

We arrived at 7am and waited in the waiting room quite a while. In the meantime, all the other people that came in after us were called back before us. When we finally got back there, they said it was too late to give Kaleb the Versed, which was a medicine to make him calm and relaxed before they did the IV. She said someone from IV therapy was there to do it (because none of the nurses there wanted to do it on someone so small) and she couldn't wait around until the medicine kicked in. So we had to choose - give him the medicine and let someone do the IV that really wasn't comfortable with it to begin with, or let IV therapy do it without the medicine. As hard as it was, we chose the second option. (Let me just say, this mama wasn't happy about all of it...) The IV was the worst part of the whole thing and most upsetting to watch. Once that was all over, it was a big sigh of relief!!

Everything else happened pretty quickly. I didn't know Eddie and I would be staying in the room with them while they performed the endoscopy and colonoscopy, and I almost thought I was going to pass out a few times...(I can't handle anything medical.) The endoscopy showed that Kaleb's esophagus was abnormal. It was swollen so much they couldn't see any blood vessels like you usually can, and it had these imprinted lines down it which further pointed to the Eosinophilic Esophagitis diagnosis (although they can't confirm until biopsy results are back next week.) The colonoscopy was normal, which we were incredibly thankful for!!

I explained to the dr. that we are supposed to leave for vacation next week, but with all the pain Kaleb's having, we weren't sure if we could go at this point. He's hysterical and inconsolable at night time, and that's not good for staying in a condo with other people! She has enough evidence to believe the EE diagnosis is the correct one, so she gave us prescriptions to start treatment right away. When it's confirmed next week, then we'll start talking about dietary changes, like the formula diet. We are praying the medicines take effect soon so that we can still go on vacation!!

Thanks so much for all the texts, calls and prayers for our little boy. We are so glad the testing is behind us and we can move on with treatment. Please keep praying that he feels better soon!

Prelim test results

Today we got a call we were hoping we wouldn't receive. Kaleb's preliminary tests were positive for blood in his stool, meaning there is bleeding happening internally somewhere in his digestive system. The plan had been for an upper endoscopy only on Friday, but now will also consist of a colonoscopy to locate where the bleeding is coming from. 

So tomorrow I'm stuck at home with a baby on a strict clear liquid only diet and forced to pump him full of meds to "clean" his system out. The words I typed this morning should have said "not for the faint of stomach"!

As a positive for today, Kaleb has eaten extremely well and been in a great mood. Thanking God for smiles and laughs tonight!

"Not for the faint of heart..."

"He's lucky he has you. This diagnosis is not for the faint of heart." Those words from Kaleb's pediatrician vibrated loud and clear in my head around 11pm last night when he woke up for the 4th night in a row screaming louder than I've ever heard before. Eddie and I try to do everything we can to console him, but nothing works. We eventually just sit with our child screaming in pain praying for God to take it away. 

This week has been absolutely horrible. Kaleb's symptoms get worse each day and Friday can't come soon enough. It is incredibly heartbreaking to watch your child transform from a happy, sweet baby to just a body wrecked with pain and ravaged by disease. He can barely eat, doesn't sleep, and hurts 24/7. Yesterday I read some stories from older teens and adults and they said the pain is excruciating, they feel like they are having a heart attack, and have a choking feeling all the time because of the swelling in the throat. My poor child, no wonder he cries out so loudly!

Praying for peace. Praying for relief. Praying for strength, rest, patience, wisdom and ultimate healing.

Friday's the day....

Today was our appointment with Kaleb's new G.I. specialist. First, let me recap how we got there. Over the last 2 months, Kaleb has been feeling horrible. He chokes on his food, has horrible reflux, randomly vomits, and screams out in pain all night long.  The last week has almost been unbearable. I thought Saturday night I was going to have to drive the child to the E.R. because he was completely inconsolable. He's also lost almost 2 pounds in a month and has hardly been eating anything. Hence, the referral to the G.I. Specialist.

We met with Dr. Aljabi this morning. She was GREAT! She had an instant connection with Eddie because she is from Costa Rica (and Eddie from Colombia), so they shared that Hispanic heritage. She spoke with us for a while listening to all of Kaleb's symptoms and told us what we had been thinking for a while - all symptoms point to Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EE). She also mentioned that he may have Eosinophilic Gastroenteritis as well (which is in the lower part of the digestive system). Basically they are caused by food allergies. Because he may be eating something he's still allergic to, there's a build up of white blood cells in his esophagus. This build up quickly causes his esophagus to swell, which is why he's having the eating and choking problems.

Unfortunately, the only way to diagnose this is through an endoscopy, which is scheduled for this Friday morning. They will give him heavy sedatives through an IV and do the scope and take biopsies of his esophagus and digestive system. They will send them to pathology and have results back within a week. They are also going to run a panel of allergy tests, but thankfully can take the blood from the IV while he's sedated so they don't have to stick him again.

Dr. Aljabi was explaining the treatment and my heart sank. She stated they wanted to get him to a state of "remission", meaning this would probably be a life long disease. He would first be put on an elemental diet, which is nothing but a special (aka expensive) formula. If that doesn't work to help heal things, they would start steroids and inhalers as well. I sat there wanting to cry. How do you explain to a 1 year old that is used to eating 3 meals a day that he simply can't eat? I was reading several articles about people with this disease and one 14 year-old girl said she's just now to a point where she can eat 3 foods - banana, pears, and sweet potatoes. Is this the kind of life my child is going to have? As if food allergies wasn't enough!

She did state that she and 2 other physicians have a clinic at Deaconess Gateway for patients with this disease. She said if she thought he needed to be referred to some other specialty hospital or program, she would, but as of now she feels the 3 physicians that work together (she, his current allergist, and another pediatric dr.) can handle it. She said they would consult each other for treatment as well as work together with a dietician to adjust his nutritional plan.

I don't know how things are going to play out, but I'm praying Matthew 7:7 -
 "Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

I'm trusting that God is going to give the healing to Kaleb that we are all asking for. I know he's capable of it and I'm having the faith he's going to do it. Please join me in praying this bold prayer, as well as for things on Friday to go well. As his mama, I'm a nervous wreck. I would take all of this pain away from him and go through the tests for him if I could. But through all of it, I know God has a plan and will use all of this for HIS glory.

Sick Day Snuggles & More Appointments

Today was Kaleb's 2nd day with his new babysitter. Around 11:30, I got a phone call from her. "Hello?" I said anxiously. (With an allergic kid like mine, you always answer anxiously.) "IFedKalebLunchAndHesThrowingUpEverywhere!!" And yes, it was said just like that...so fast I could barely understand her. She repeated herself and asked all about the food I sent for lunch, wondering if it could be an allergic reaction. I immediately went over, picked up my baby boy, and went to the dr.

This was Kaleb's 3rd day in the last week he has randomly vomited. He hasn't been eating or feeling well the last few days, but I had attributed it to teething. 

At the dr, we learned he has lost yet another pound in the last few weeks. She thinks there is something we are missing, like internal inflammation in his digestive system, which would be causing a lot of his problems. 

He has been referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist and his appointment is next Monday. Most likely, they will want to do a scope to view his digestive system. 

I say all that to ask for continued prayers. Eddie and I are doing all we can for our sweet boy, but it takes a toll after a while on you emotionally and financially, especially when he's not sleeping (so we aren't sleeping). For an example, here's this week's medical expenses:

Today's office co-pay: $25

Prescription to curb nausea: $70

Co-pay on Monday for specialist: $55

We have full faith that God is going to heal our little boy. I don't know why we have to go through all if it, but God says he uses all our trials for His glory. In the meantime, here's the sweet face I get to snuggle with. 

Rice Cakes for the win

I had a few minutes ALONE in Walmart today as I grabbed a few things for work. This is a luxury that only happens about once every 6 months...

While I was there I stumbled on a little gem called rice cakes. I'm sure these have been around for years, but humor me. I've never tried them in my life and thought they looked disgusting. But they were dairy, egg and gluten free, and when you came upon a rare thing, you try it! 

I slathered on some peanut butter and the child went to town. 

He loved it. I'm planning on trying hummus as well as jelly as toppings for a change. I got the lightly salted kind and they are actually pretty good plain! Crazy how much it tastes like popcorn! 

And being the awesome mom I am, I won't brag about how it took him forever to eat it, giving me a chance to cook our dinner! ;)

$2.00 for a bag of these bad boys. This will be a new household staple! 

As hard as it is most days, I am actually enjoying finding new things to eat and branching out. I bought plantains and red potatoes today as well- look for another post next week! :)

Dinner 9.9.13

Dinner tonight for Kaleb was a win. It included the chicken strips I posted the other day along with a new find, Ore Ida Simply wedges in roasted garlic and herbs. (They were so good!) It also included some frozen berries!

We have made an appointment with a dietician next week so hoping that will give us more ideas of different things to eat!

New lifestyle/Grocery finds

It's been 48 hours since Kaleb has given up wheat and gluten. And I can happily say, the child has not had diarrhea once!! We've finally figured out what's been causing his belly problems and are on our way to learning this new lifestyle!

We took a 30 minute road trip yesterday to Kroger in Owensboro. Shopping at a store you aren't familiar with for a diet you know nothing about with a fussy toddler in the cart was no small task. I was so overwhelmed. Kaleb's avoidance list now includes milk, egg and wheat/gluten. We did find some great items that were a little pricy, but thankful we found some things the child can eat! Just wanted to share a few of them. 

For breakfast this morning, Kaleb had Van's flax waffles. They were $3.39 for a box of 6 waffles, but Kaleb loved them! 

Then at dinner, he had new Perdue chicken tenders. He gobbled them up! They were $4.99 a package that has probably 10 tenders in it! And if you can tell in the picture, I totally forgot to pull the coupon off! :-/

We also found a few other things but I'll blog those as I use them to cook!

This journey has definitely helped my once picky palate become more open to trying new foods. (The silver lining in all this!) We are slow learning but I enjoy finding new things to buy and cook for my sweet boy!

Thanks for all the prayers through this journey! I'm looking forward to blogging my adventures in shopping and cooking allergy-free!

Good Thing He's Cute...

Crunch. "Ouch!". That's the sounds that come out of my kitchen at 5am when I'm stumbling to find a bottle in the fridge for Kaleb and step barefoot onto little toddler puffs he's dropped on the kitchen floor.  After the initial pain, I usually laugh to myself as I think about him sitting in his high chair, purposely dropping them onto the floor - if he only knew!

For 3 long years, I dreamed of becoming a mom and having moments like this. Let me just say, they are everything I'd hoped they would be. I loooooovvvveeee seeing his face light up when I pick him up from daycare, and the day he learned to say "mama" has been forever engrained in my memory. But parenthood has also come with an extra set of challenges I never foresaw.

Most everyone knows that around 4 months old, Kaleb was diagnosed with Torticollis - a problem with the muscles in his neck. He had several sessions of physical therapy and countless hours of working with him at home to get him to be able to turn his head both directions. While this has been corrected, he is still later to reach most milestones - rolling over, crawling, walking. He gets there, it just takes him a little longer.

Then around 6-7 months when we started introducing food, we learned he had food allergies. Over the last 4 months, we've had extensive testing and learned he's severely allergic to milk and eggs. (He breaks out and swells up if you hold him after you've touched these things!) His milk allergy is so severe, I had to give up breastfeeding earlier than I had hoped because living a dairy free lifestyle was just too hard for me.

His food allergies have also caused a lot of sleepless nights. Kaleb's poor belly hurts so bad, he would wake up every 20-30 minutes and scream in pain. He cried, I cried... Let me just say, this aspect of parenthood came with a big slice of humble pie. I can't tell you how many times I previously said "my child will never sleep in my bed". Let me tell you what, after about 4 months of NO sleep, you do what you have to do. And if that means sleeping with a child between you and your husband, you'll do it.

So around a year old, we made the switch to alternative milk. We've been through soy, almond, coconut, and now on to rice milk. When comparing to regular milk, the price of a gallon of alternative milk can be up to $10 per gallon. And a toddler goes through about 2 gallons per week!!  Then came even more...after quitting breastfeeding and switching to other milk, *TMI alert*, Kaleb started having diarrhea 10-12 times per day. I'm pretty sure his daycare workers hate me! We are now thinking he may have a wheat/gluten allergy and are going gluten free for a while to see if we can get this under control.

So here's my purchases for tonight. $11 for a SMALL loaf of gluten free bread and a bag of spaghetti noodles. This kid is going to bleed me dry financially!

We're praying this is a solution to all the problems he's still having. Living an allergy-free lifestyle has been a huge shift for me. Cooking dinner is no longer a hamburger helper kind of thing...it's a thoughtfully planned out meal for 3 MEALS A DAY!

Through all this I'm learning patience, praying for strength and trying to completely turn over everything to our great God who's able to heal him from all of this.  I've decided to blog this journey as much as I can for a memory in the future - as we hope one day we'll be able to look back and laugh and say "Man, you were a TOUGH kid - it's a good thing you were cute!" ;)

Frustrated and ready for answers

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you've probably seen a few posts about some problems we've been having with Kaleb with having allergic reactions to food. We originally thought he had an allergy to nuts, after I ate toast with Nutella and kissed on him, and within minutes he swelled up like a pufferfish.

We went to an allergist and got mixed results: the skin test to peanuts came back borderline positive so we were sent for lab work (which was AWFUL with an infant) and it also came back slightly positive. We then scheduled a food challenge for April 30, which is basically a test in the office where they give him a little peanut butter at a time over several hours and see if he has a reaction (in a controlled environment).

What we thought was one allergy to something that can be pretty easily avoided, has grown into a much bigger problem. Kaleb is now having reactions to food that have no nuts at all. Tonight, I gave him 2 incredibly small bites of alfredo pasta. Within minutes, he looked like this (and it got worse after this pic was taken!)

We went back to the allergist last week after several reactions to foods that contained milk, but they didn't want to test him for that. I'm now at a point where I'm just frustrated. I'm seriously afraid to feed my child anything. Will the next reaction be the one where he can't breathe??

My reason for posting is to ask for prayers. We need answers soon (preferably without a lot more dr. appointments and lab work!!) I know God is our healer and I'm trusting him to take care of Kaleb and heal him from this. Please join me in praying.

Becoming Weird.

It all started as a normal evening a couple of weeks ago. I had made and cleaned up dinner and gotten Kaleb's bottles ready for daycare the next day. Kaleb was in the living room laying in the floor in front of the TV (watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, his favorite show!), Eddie was in the recliner either checking work emails or Facebook, and I sat down on the couch and proceeded to open the Pinterest app. I looked at recipes for a few minutes, took a break and looked up and realized each of the 3 of us was in our own little world, somehow connected to technology, but not to each other.  I immediately sat down my phone, got up and turned the TV off, and sat on the floor and started talking and playing with Kaleb.  While this seems a little insignificant, it was a huge start of a life change for me.

Since this incident, God has pulled, tugged, and started changing and molding my heart. I have felt like God was saying "Look around you. Something needs to change."  Since then, I have made a very strong effort to spend time as a family (without our iPhones and TVs), but also to spend more time in God's Word and in prayer. I felt a deep conviction that day when I realized the hours of week that I spent on Pinterest, but couldn't even tally up 20 minutes for the week that I had read the Bible. I've been listening to messages from Christian leaders- most recently the "WEiRD" messages by Craig Groeschel. In these messages, he talks about what's normal in our culture today - being broke, having debt, sex before marriage, divorce. All these things have become normal. Craig goes on to say, "Normal isn't working. So I want to be weird."  He and his wife are doing things in their life and family that culture says is weird: they have no debt, they homeschool their 6 kids, they only allow technology in the house 3 days a week, etc. He goes on to say that you should find your "weird".

So I've decided I'm starting a search to find what my "weird" is. I haven't narrowed it down or gotten specific, but here some things I'm wanting to change/do in my life:

• Make Bible reading and prayer a daily thing, first thing in the morning. Groeschel said in his "Margin" series that God wants the first and best of everything you have - which includes your time. Your first and best is in the morning. And if you start your day with Him, the rest of your day will be so much more productive.  It's hard for me to do this first thing because usually I'm trying to get ready before the baby wakes up, but I'm working on it!

• Do away with distractions when we are home as a family - this includes cell phones, TV, etc.  Last night I turned off the TV at 6pm and until Kaleb went to bed (8:00) we turned on music and laughed and played and read books. This is the time I want my kids to remember - the times mommy played with them, not the times mommy sat on the couch on Twitter.

• Intentionally grow - For those of you that know me, you know reading is not something I have previously enjoyed. Well, that was until I found the Kindle app on my iPhone. Now I can read anywhere. I'll gladly say I'm about 30-40% done with 3 books right now!! (Ok, I'm working on finishing them, but at least I'm reading!!)

• Reflect on what I want in life. I'm daily asking myself questions about who I want to be, what I want to do, what matters? I've come down on a few things: I want to be a spiritual leader for Kaleb - I want him to know the Lord, serve others, and love everyone. I want to adopt a child from overseas. I want to make memories with my husband and kids by going on vacations together. 

This is just a start of my search for my "weird". Everyone's "weird" is different. What does yours look like?